A few weeks after returning from Costa Rica in August, I found myself on a cross-country road trip to my next destination: Flagstaff, Arizona. In case you were wondering, no, Flagstaff is not where I thought I’d be headed. In fact, I didn’t even know that it existed, but that’s getting into a story for another time. After sorting through all of my belongings, deciding what was essential for the foreseeable future, and some final “see you soons”, I loaded up my new car, Sparky, and we hit the road west.
The multiple changes in scenery between Ohio and Arizona were amazing, but even more than that, I had so much time to reflect on where God has brought me. Some of this reflecting was on my whole life (as far back as I can remember anyways), but much of it was on the past few months. Just a few days before leaving St. Louis in July, I had a video call with Donna and Roy. Near the end of our conversation, Roy asked me what seemed to be a rather simple question; “What are you expecting for the next two months? What are you expecting from God?” In my head, I considered going to the safe response of “I don’t have expectations for God”, but I knew Roy wasn’t trying to ask a trick question. I paused for a while before saying, “Well, I guess to be re-energized spiritually.” After a few more moments I realized and voiced how bizarre that sounded knowing that I would be spending a lot of that time between Costa Rica and home, in Ohio. Costa Rica, where I’m “supposed to be” pouring out spiritually, and home, a place that can be very spiritually tiring for me. My call with Donna and Roy came to an end, but that question lingered in my mind. It played over and over again. The crazy thing is, my answer never changed. A spiritual recharge is exactly what I needed; I was exhausted. I just wondered how this was going to happen. Actually, the more I thought about it, the more I realized how unlikely it was that it would happen and that left me quite curious about where I would be in two months, both spiritually and physically.
SPOILER ALERT. Within an hour on the road to Arizona, I was reminded of this question that Roy had asked me and the doubt that followed. As God and I walked through the details of this time that had so quickly come and gone, I was completely overwhelmed in realizing that He did it. God took my nearly empty cup and filled it to the top. He didn’t just fill my cup to that “full, but still possible to carry across the room” full, but overflowing full. If that doesn’t speak to the character of our amazing God, I don’t know what does.
After spending my last night in town watching the 4th of July fireworks from beneath the St. Louis Arch with some friends, I headed back to Ohio. As I mentioned, home can often be a spiritually tiring place for me. Actually, it can just be a tiring place for me in general.
Oftentimes, people associate home with full relaxation; kick your shoes off and get cozy. While my physical house and the love of the people there will always carry that vibe, my heart doesn’t beat to that tune when I visit my hometown. The hefty mix of a “broken” family, maintaining friendships from afar, and a time limit often leave me in greater need of a place to relax when my time there comes to an end. Although I have gotten better at prioritizing visitations with friends and finding ways to better split my time between each side of my family, it’s still a great source of stress for me. In a similar fashion, although many of the people at home support my new-found faith, the encouragers and foundation of my faith community is not planted at home and it’s not unlikely for me to face direct opposition. I love being home. I love spending time with my friends and family. BUT. It has the potential to wear me down and on my most recent trip home, it had done exactly that. Ever since that trip home, I had committed to praying that God would prepare my heart for my next visit home. I knew that in heading home, I needed to be spiritually full and in this time, I needed to lean 100% on God for that strength, because I was nearing empty.
I spent the next ten days focusing on preparing for Costa Rica and simply loving on and enjoying time with my family. I drove straight from St. Louis to my dad’s cabin, where I got to spend the first few days of my time off with he and my stepmom, as well as part of the time with my stepsister and her husband. Each morning I took my coffee out on the deck with my Bible and journal and just spent some time with God preparing my mind for the day as well as what was to come in the near future. The rest of these days were spent floating in the lake, catching up with this part of my family, and spending quality time with my dad, mostly in kayaking, biking, or walking the dogs. This time was perfect in allowing for the relaxation I needed to begin the process of being reenergized.
After a few days at the cabin, I headed to my mom’s house where I spent the rest of the days leading up to Costa. I kept my morning routine just with a slightly different view off the deck and continued to focus on spending time with my family. In knowing I would be returning home after Costa Rica, I set this time aside for nearly family only, which gave me enough time to visit grandparents during the day and spend the evenings at home with my mom and stepdad, Jim. All of these days in Ohio were so refreshing. For the first time, my visit home came without the pressures and the stressors that I had begun to expect. A weight had been lifted. I packed my bags and headed to the next stop of the two months; Costa Rica.
The details of the trip can be found in my previous post, but if I were to summarize my personal experience into one word it would be relationship. Everywhere I looked, I was reminded of the absolute beauty of relationship. I formed new relationships with some of my team members and was able to continue growing others, such as with Tori and Jeff. I had the opportunity to further my relationships with the soccer team, some of whom I still message weekly. I was able to spend time getting to know Martha and her family, even to the extent of planning what we would eat on my next visit. I still hear from Martha’s daughter Maria almost weekly and frequently receive pictures of the kiddos. I could go on and on about the relationships that I was or am an active participant in, but it wasn’t just the bonds that I was forming; it was the bonds that I witnessed too. I watched relationships form within my team. I witnessed relationships grow between my team and Martha’s family. I stood back and watched as the soccer girls worked with the local kids at the soccer camps. I saw the soccer coach on our team walk through a practice with Esteban, the girls’ soccer coach. Again, I could go on and on. As I reflect on all of these relationships, even as I sit here typing this today, I am reminded that this is what it’s all about: relationship. Genuine relationships are a gateway to the calling God has put on our lives – to love others in the same way that He loves us. I will be the first person to tell you that the amount of myself I pour into Costa Rica doesn’t even come close to the amount that Costa Rica pours into me. The happy tears that fell from my eyes as I said goodbye to my team and once again boarded the plane away from this beautiful place were a direct representation of the overflowing of my heart; the filling of my cup.
Back at home, I was thrown straight back into reality. Within two days I committed to my next travel assignment in Flagstaff. The stress of a first-time car buying experience, paired with locating an apartment in Arizona, while trying to visit the friends that I had bypassed before going to Costa Rica piled up. Somehow stress has a funny (and frustrating) way of working. When I realized how stressed I was getting about these materialistic things after just returning from Costa Rica, I became even more stressed with my stress. For goodness sakes. In one short week at home, I went through so many cycles of telling God I trusted Him with all of these things, questioning what I was supposed to do, and being reminded that He is indeed in control of even the smallest details. On one particular day, the apartment that seemed to be lining up and the car I thought I wanted had both come back with prices far out of my budget. After a short internal panic, I was reminded that this would work out just as it was supposed to. I prayed that God would guide my car buying process, but more than anything that He would give me peace after my purchase. I also gave him control finding me the perfect place to call home. A few days later, I had a new car and I had found a place to live. To this day I haven’t experienced a buyers’ remorse over Sparky, which is especially impressive with how much time we’ve spent together so far. The living situation fell into my lap as I called the last apartment option on my list and was told that the manager rented her extra room specifically to travel nurses and that it was currently available. She is now one of my close friends here in Flagstaff and the room was well within my budget. I looked back on the stresses of that week and saw God working. He was filling my cup by growing me, even in the little internal (and external – sorry mom and Jim) panics.
Though slightly crunched on time, I was also able to catch up with many friends from my school years. There is something to be said about being in the physical presence of each other rather than talking through a phone. I was able to see my college roommate as a mom with her newborn for the first time, watch another friend and her mom begin to bake while sitting in their kitchen just like old times, spend time with my stepbrother and his family, attend the church plant of a dear friend, spend time with my friend Chelsea and her husband Frank who recently relocated, swim with two of my close college friends that I met in Bible study freshman year, visit my coworkers at the ma and pa restaurant that I used to work at, and spend time with our close family-friend group that typically gathers every week. Now you are beginning to understand how I easily become stressed with trying to see everyone at home! Yet, I am so thankful for so many people to see at home. My time in Wooster ended with a family reunion following my grandmother’s successful surgery that everyone had come home for. It was such an amazing opportunity to catch up with so much of my family that I don’t get to see very frequently and an even more beautiful chance to see my mom reminisce with all six of her sisters, their spouses, and my grandparents. There’s that relationship thing again. The next day I hitched a ride with my Aunt Nisey to my next stop and another home away from home: Mooresville, North Carolina.
Although these days passed quickly, looking back, God was absolutely orchestrating my time there just as he orchestrated my time at home. Arriving in the afternoon on Sunday, Aunt Nisey and I were able to spend the rest of the day on the boat on Lake Norman; one of my happy places in the year I lived there. From there, I headed to my friend Haley’s house where I stayed for the week. Haley is one of those people that God very evidently placed in my life. I had met her in one of my first weeks in Mooresville at a young adult life group, but it wasn’t until later on that we became intentional in setting up coffee dates and devotional dinner nights. Haley’s and my friendship grew so rapidly in our time together, now making it a relationship that is so hard to put to words. I am so thankful for the friendship that God has blossomed between us. With a wedding approaching at the end of this winter and three months away from each other, she and I had plenty to catch up on. In addition to spending time at a few of my favorite local coffee shops, I was able to spend the next five days visiting a wide variety of friends. During my time there, the team that had just left Costa Rica put together a cook out, giving us a great opportunity to reconnect and meet some of the team member’s families. I was also able visit with the amazing group of people that I had gotten to know through volunteering at the local soup kitchen, as well as visit with the family of a dear friend of mine that had since lost a battle to cancer; a lady that shined so brightly in her time here and is now surely dancing with the Lord. Donna and Roy warmly invited me to their home to fellowship for a few hours one afternoon, which is easily another highlight of my time. Although I meet with them weekly via video call, I had never gotten the opportunity to meet Donna in person due to moving just after beginning our meetings. It was such an amazing opportunity, not only to officially meet Donna, but to simply fellowship with them in person. We were able to jump back and share stories about how God has moved in our lives. I was able to listen as they shared about their experiences in light of walking their lives with God. Although they probably didn’t think much of it, I left so incredibly encouraged by them walking me through their house and sharing stories of how God had put things together so perfectly. They were so joyful in telling me of every detail, because they were explaining how each piece was an answer to prayer; each piece, down to the curtains, was detailed by God. They carry that same joy in many of our conversations, because they see God in the details of their lives. For me to see that, what that can look like going forward as a young believer, was indescribable. I walked out eager and excited to live a life like that. In the following weeks and up to this day, that time together has encouraged me to give everything to God, big and small, and to find joy in Him in response to those details.
Just as it was amazing to meet with my friends and family back home and Donna and Roy in person, it was also wonderful to spend time with many others that I had crossed paths with in Mooresville and that have consistently encouraged me on this journey. It was also a blessing to feel God’s presence at one of those coffee shops when the lady next to me began a conversation starting with my quiet time and ending with her current life struggles. Although I was really looking forward to some time by myself, I knew God had me right where he needed me in that moment. After fitting dinner at my favorite restaurant on the lake with two close friends and an evening of outdoor live music into the schedule, I packed my bags yet again. This time, Jeff and I went on a little drive about an hour north to meet my parents on their way to the beach. This was such an amazing opportunity for some very important people in my life to meet over a quick lunch before my parents and I headed to the beach. With the uncertainty of life, particularly my life on the move, each year my parents and I are reminded that we never know when trips together like this may come to an end. Although we’ve talked about that before, this year I really focused on being present with my mom and stepdad and truly enjoying our time together. The three of us had a great time together, per usual, but for me I felt more thankful than ever to be on this trip with them.
A week later we returned home and that night we opened our doors to two of my travel nurse friends on their way to Vermont for their next assignment. I was so excited for the quick visit with them and also for my parents to get the rare chance to meet some of my newer friends. Once Marc and Rizz hit the road, I started the packing process, filling nearly the full day. I threw the last of my bags in the car as the sun went down and enjoyed dinner with mom and Jim before heading to bed. The next morning, I was on the road to Arizona and yes, that now famous question popped into my mind.
The time at the cabin, the time spent with friends and family, the time in Costa Rica, the struggles of finding a new car and a new home, everyone I was able to see in North Carolina… it all flashed back through my mind as God showed me the many ways he had filled my cup. Not only was I amazed by the past few months, but also by the plans of the approaching days and the things that occurred during my drive, such as phone calls, songs, and devotionals. I was able to spend my first night with my friend Sam just south of Chicago. I had met Sam in my first week in St. Louis and she moved two weeks later, but God only needed two weeks to create a friendship that is thriving today. The next night, my friend Chelsea, the same Chelsea that I saw at home, just so happened to be driving the opposite way through Nebraska, so we found an Airbnb in the middle of our destinations for the night. What you don’t know about Chelsea is that she’s “my person”, just as Tori asked me to be hers. I have known Chelsea since my freshman year of high school, and as I have grown both in years and in my faith, she has easily become someone that I look up to in so many ways. Her faith is strong and her desire to live as a child of God encourages me beyond words. So yes, when I found out that our paths were “randomly” crossing in Nebraska, I knew this was another organized meeting. I spent the next two nights visiting with my brother in Denver, Colorado. As we have both moved from home, we don’t get extended time together often and typically it’s when we are both at home, trying to check everyone else off of our list as well. I was so thankful for the time I got with him, even if it meant watching his select choice of Netflix shows. I spent the very last night of my trip with me, myself, and I. After a six-hour drive through mountains, and a quick pit stop to hike in Moab, I made my way to Monticello, Utah where I rented a little “cabin” just off of the beaten path. I kept the garage door to my place up and journaled as I watched to sun set and the moon rise.
I can’t overemphasize how full my tank was at this point. God not only filled my cup until the point of leaving home, he was still at work, even as I drove to my new home. I vividly remember speaking to a friend on the road with so much joy in saying, “I am just so excited for whatever God has planned for me. If this is another experience like St. Louis and I need to fall further into him, I’m ready. If He surrounds me with a community of people, awesome! Whatever is coming my way, I’m ready because He is here and He has filled my cup.”
As I finish typing this and in realizing how much I addressed the filling of my cup, I am reminded of the lyrics of a beautiful song called Here As In Heaven that says:
Overflow in this place
Fill our hearts with your love
Your love surrounds us
That’s what happened. God’s love surrounded me, He filled my heart with His love, and He is surely overflowing in this place.
Love this and love you, Mad.
Love you so much Em. Thank you for taking the time to read along.
Praying for you every day, I love reading all you’re going through. I recommend you publish your walk with the Lord, so encouraging, so much insight!
Love you bunches!
Aunt Charlie
Thank you for your prayers and encouragement Aunt Charlie ❤️ It’s so hard not to share when He’s so clearly behind and before every step! I love you so much!