Even When I Don’t See It, You’re Working

“Lord, November 7th is my last day here… and then I am back into the wind, back into your open will. Lead me Lord. Take me to places far greater than I could ever plan for and use me for your glory in ways beyond that which I could even imagine. What do you want? Where do you need me? How do you need to grow me? Shape me? Equip me? Open my eyes to your plan for me.” Journal Entry ~ October 10th, 2020

In the weeks leading to the end of my contract in Carson City, God had continuously been telling me to rest. You always know when there’s a message that’s specifically for you when it’s laced into every move you make. Roy had mentioned rest in my meeting with him and Donna that week – unrelated to the material we were studying that day, might I add. As I continued in my daily readings, one of the well known passages concerning rest came across the pages. Over a phone call, another friend told me that they had been learning about rest. The author of the book that I was reading conveniently went into a chapter about resting with the Lord. And of course, it seemed to be a part of every song that I listened to in that time. Each time this topic of rest would come up, I’d think, “Okay God, I’ll rest today. I’ll spend today with you.” A few days later, another reminder of resting would come up, and again, “Okay God, I’ll rest today.” Each of those days I would spend a lot of time reading, writing, and wondering. I continued to pray for direction in the coming weeks. Finally, I had the opportunity to “rest” in my favorite way – an overnight backpacking trip. As I mentioned in my last post, backpacking, although maybe not physically restful, brings about time to disconnect, reorient, and refocus and for me, this is restful. 

As soon as I set out on foot, I began in my conversations with God, which of course included something to the extent of, “Okay God. So as you know I’ve been praying about what to do next for three months now and I have no idea where you are leading me. Just incase you forgot, my contract ends soon and we should probably figure out what’s next.” 

As I neared the area in which I had hoped to stop, the wind was growing strong, so I found a big boulder and claimed it as my windblocker for the night. I quickly set up camp, grabbed my dinner-in-a-bag, jet boil, and my Bible and headed to a spot where I could see the sun setting over Lake Tahoe way off in the distance. As I waited on my water to boil, I sat in silence to soak in those moments. The view. The wind at my back. The fresh air as it filled my lungs. The journey. 

Suddenly, I understood. Rest. God had not been calling me to rest in each day, He was calling me to rest. That was my answer. I was to enter into a season of rest; into a posture of resting with Him. God had been giving me the answer for weeks now, but I was applying it according to my mind, and not listening to the fullness of this simple command. It was indeed that simple; rest. 

After a lot of prayer in the following weeks, it was clear that God was leading me home. I packed up the car, recruited my friend to join me for half of the drive home, and hit the road for a thirty-six hour trek across the States. Let me quickly make two things clear here before moving on. 

First, God’s specific guidance of going home came just two days in advance. 

“Lord, I am praying for clarity, for your pure guidance in the days ahead. My room is packed, my car is ready to go – my suitcase is also packed, and my flight home is still booked for Thursday.”  Journal Entry ~ November 13th, 2020

Why do I mention this? Because I think that you can likely relate. I had been praying for months, asking for direction in where to go when my time in Carson City came to an end. Of course, all of me wanted God to give me the answers, so that I could get on with the planning. But, that’s exactly where we get in the way of the adventure. Trust in God’s timing and wait patiently for his answer. A wise man recently told me that “Faith often takes longer than the flesh wants to wait.” How true.  

Secondly, to say that I was sad pulling away from Carson City on that Tuesday morning would be an understatement. 

“Honestly Lord, as I drove away I was skeptical. Was I supposed to go? I don’t know where you are leading me. I don’t know what’s next or why. I am walking forward in faith, Lord. Day by day – guide my steps, my thoughts, and this emotional heart. My trust is in you.”  Journal Entry ~ November 19th, 2020 

I cannot put into words how much of me wanted to stay in this comfortable community that had formed in just nine months. Surely, a piece of my heart would be left in this place, but again, in staying I would be missing the adventure that God had clearly laid in the other direction. I tell you this to encourage you too. If you feel confidently that God is guiding you in a direction, take the leap, even if your emotions are torn. God knows your heart better than anyone, and though the temporary emotions may pull you in the opposite direction, the joy of the Lord is promised to be much greater. 

After a visit to my brother, I was home at last. Once I had settled in, and was soaking in the warm welcomes of my family, I was at it again. “Okay God, now what?” 

“I made it home as you led me and I have been ‘resting’, now what?”  

Silence. 

“The number of COVID-19 cases is on the rise, surely I need to take another job, right?”

More silence. 

“How about Costa Rica? I so badly want to return and help my friends in this trying time.” Again, silence. 

“Okay, the man up the street is suffering from dementia, maybe I can ask his family if I can help?” 

Only to be met with more silence.  

After a week of constantly scrambling for answers, I was stopped cold in my tracks when the song Waymaker by Michael W. Smith came through the speaker.  

You are way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness 

Even when I don’t see it, you’re working. 

Even when I don’t feel it, you’re working. 

You never stop, you never stop working. 

You never stop, you never stop working. 

Even when I wasn’t seeing it, God was working. Even when I felt like He was only being silent, He was working. The wheels in my mind began to turn. 

It just so happened that I was reading the book of Esther that week. The book of Esther doesn’t mention the name of God once, but as you read it, it is so evident that God is at work behind the scenes. He is written into every detail. 

Suddenly everything clicked together in my head. I was overwhelmed as God’s message to rest came back into my mind. God’s silence was not His absence and He hadn’t suddenly ran out of a plan for me. He was giving me the opportunity to truly rest. To rest with my family. To rest physically and emotionally. To rest with Him in the knowledge that He was already at work for what was next.   

I realized that though I felt like I was giving Him control by asking, I was not trusting Him with control by my questioning. It was in that moment that I entered into the rest that He had been calling me to for months now. It was in that moment that my mind truly began to rest. My time with the family was transformed into quality time, as I became fully mentally present instead of half distracted by what would be next. My acts of giving Him control turned into truly giving Him control and the result was absolute peace and the ability to rest in the joy of the Lord. 

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My faith is not perfect. I often question if what I’m feeling is God’s direction or my own mind running wild. I question if I’m actually where I am supposed to be or if I’ve led myself right off the track. Most dangerous of all, I reach over to grab the steering wheel from time to time. But God is good. He knows my tendencies and even in the midst of my questioning and attempts to take the wheel, He reaches out with His rich love, underlying joy, and anchored peace, reminding me that He is sovereign. He gently reminds me that His ways are better than my ways and His plans are greater than my plans. In this time, He showed me what it looks like to truly trust in Him, as He allowed me to enter into a great season of rest. 

I want to encourage you with these reminders of who God is and leave you with this challenge. Follow your acts of giving God control with the trust of giving God control. 

Most of all friends, enjoy the peace that comes with resting in the joy of the Lord, because I can promise you that: 

Even when you don’t see it, He’s working

Even when you don’t feel it, He’s working. 

He is our Way Maker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper, Light in the darkness. 

To all of my new friends, thank you for sharing in my journey, allowing me to partake in yours, and for being a part of so many amazing memories.